The Great and Bloody Siege of Namco
by oh.holy.martel
Summary: Inexplicably, the ToS cast have discovered ToS 2. They aren't happy. They're murdering those responsible. But who planted the dreadful seed? Find out what REALLY happened to the sequel you all wanted. Pairings optional but implied. FIRE BALLS!
1. FIRE BALLS

"FIRE BALL!"

"Indignation!"

"Ray!"

"Demon Fang!"

"Beast!"

"Rising Eagle!"

"Serpent Seal!"

"Light Spear Cannon!"

"Cyclone!"

"Holy Lance!"

"Gravity Well!"

"Grave!"

"Absolute!"

"Ground Dasher!"

"Master Field!"

"Lightning Blade!"

"Spread!"

"Lightning!"

"Acid Rain!"

"Hell Axe!"

"Holy Song!"

"Azure Edge!"

"YURI LOWELL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? GET BACK TO TALES OF VESPERIA!!!!!!!!"

(Yuri is tossed out. In another video game universe, Karol cries out in pain as Yuri lands on him after his sudden disappearance in the middle of a battle.)

Back at the suspiciously Gothic-looking gate barring the entrance to the official Tales of Namco TM Studio, a man with a balding head and glasses pokes his head out to survey the smoldering wreckage. "Hello? We don't take visitors, tours, or solicitations – "

And then he stops. Because, well, what's in front of him is either the biggest fan crowd ever or a cast stepped straight out of his studio and sent to wreak havoc. Cue Raine, Lloyd, Zelos, Sheena, and Genis at the forefront of Tales of Symphonian mob. Lloyd's Eternal Sword blade is pointed at Baldbeak's nose.

"Um … can I help you … ?"

"Yes." Raine waved a copy of ToS 2: Knight of Ratatosk (they had the Japanese version) at him, which included the abysmal rehashed cover art and two losers on the cover. Something about an electronic mule and a girl born to the Wal-Mart enterprise. "We'd like to know what, exactly, this is?"

"Well, you see … um …"

"YOU BLOODY BASTARD!!!!!!! YOU MESSED UP MY BEAUTIFUL VOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU MADE ME ATTRACTIVE TO _**MONSTERS!!!!!!!!!**__!_ PREPARE TO GET YOUR FUGLY ASS WHOOPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Kratos stepped out of the crowd, back in new and improved spandex, glowered darkly and said, "I resent my voice being used in affiliation with this … this … _thing. _And I most certainly would not stay on Derris-Kharlan forever. I need to be a father to my son."

"…" Lloyd looked at him. "You do, Kratos … dad?"

"Just Kratos is fine, Lloyd. If you call two people dad it casts aspersions on my sexuality, and I am of course eternally faithful to Raine … er, your mother. Of course I want to spend more time with you."

"The first time we ever had a chance to get to no each other you kind of hopped on a comet that would never return to this world with a bunch of angels, including Yuan …"

"…"

"I AM NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!"

Everyone turned to look at Yuan, who had shouted this from the center of the crowd. He blushed straight to his brown, blue-dyed roots and mumbled something that sounded like "only bisexual because of Kratos's goddamn hotness – is a guy supposed to pine after Martel for 4,000+ years?"

"YES!!!!!!!!" Mithos, Martel, Kratos, Botta, Kvar, Pronyma, Magnius, Forcystus, Raine, Genis, Lloyd, Colette, Anna, and pretty much the entire cast yelled in unison. Chocolat didn't ad neither did her mother, Cacao, but who cared about them? Practically indistinguishable from the other hordes of fangirls.

"Ahem. Anyway," Raine said, waving the game case, "we're here to kill you all and obliterate this travesty of our future. I do NOT and will never have GRAY HAIR!!!!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME, NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

As everyone inched away and Baldbeak cowered, Genis took up the thread. "So, are you the one responsible for this?"

"Mo – mo – mommy, I think I peed in my pants …"

"Um …"

"Let's just kill him. It is clear he knows nothing. FIRE BALL!!"

"… You just like saying that, don't you?"

"…"

"Let's go on."

The entire cast, living and/or dead but none as they were included from the sequel, walked through the smoking gate and door into the inner sanctum of Namco, where the wild geeks roam and frolic in seas of computer screens and formulaic but still awesome plots. Well, mostly.

And so they went on. When they were startled by several long, feminine screams and the sound of Coke cans falling to the floor (their mommies said that coffee was bad for them). And then the intense fangirl – oh, sorry, _guy, _the girls were slightly less pitchy and more sensible - -izing started, a terrible and bloody melee that pushed the ToS characters to the floor on a sea of pale bodies and pinned them down, struggling. Luckily the voice actors weren't recording just then, or things might have gotten even crazier.

"GENIS?!?!?!?! GENIS SAGE?!?!?!?! I TOTALLY _**SPEAK **_YOU IN THE SECOND GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And it looks like one was still hanging out. Everyone freezes as Genis, with great dignity and his kendama bouncing threateningly, pulls himself out from under a worker that looks suspiciously like Mithos – wait, that IS Mithos! He stole someone's pair of nerdy glasses in the melee and used the flimsy disguise to glomp Genis! OKAY HE'S SO TOTALLY GAY –

Ahem. Back to Genis's awesomeness. Which MITHOS DESERVES NONE OF, DAMMIT!!!!!!!

Okay, random fan forcibly suctioned off computer. Had to resort to pretending the new Tales of Versus was waiting for her to beta in the mail slot at her house.

Evil.

So Genis, still threateningly-kendama-bouncing, asked in a low voice (read shrilly), "You … did my _voice _… in the second game?"

The girl misses the danger signs. Perhaps that explains why exactly Genis sounded like someone had inhaled helium and was trying to perform happy-face-sad-face exercises. "Yeah, isn't it awesome?!?!?! I felt that I so, like, bonded with your character!!!!!!!! And now you're real!!!!!!!!! SQUEE!!!!!!!"

"YOU … WERE THE ONE … WHO MADE ME SOUND LIKE A _**GIRL!!!!!!!! **__**INDIGNATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_

Sadly, the spell does not kill her, as Mithos tried to grab Genis' ass, which caused him to miss and the lightning bolt of judgment to fry a couple of other worthless geeks instead. Well, we know how great the next few games will be now …

Genis whacks Mithos with a random frying pan he pulls out of his pants and turns back to try to cast on the still-not-cowering voice actor. (For the record, she's clapping her hands and squealing, "Yay! I recorded Genis saying that! It looks so much PRETTIER in person!!!!!!!" on a somebody-please-murder-this-singer-before-the-noise-pollution-kills-us-all record-like track that nobody except one geek with pink-framed glasses that is obviously dying to get something of ANYTHING is listening to. And he's listening more to her less than Sheena-quality chest.)

Lloyd diverts this one, killing Cocoa and Chocolat as well as Botta, who jumped in front of them to save them (unsuccessfully). But who cares? Botta would have died anyway, and Chocolat and Cocoa … um … well, let's just say that we don't need any nasty little Vanguard shops. Does anyone notice how much like Communists those people act,, as in 'steal from and kill all the Tethe'allans, as well as the Church of Martel'?

"No!" Lloyd shouts melodramatically in his original and amazing voice tones, drawing his sword (the one Dirk made him, the Eternal Sword looks kinda tacky and he really should have brought along the blades from the Sword Dancer instead but couldn't because they weren't recognizable enough and he'd dared Zelos to a wearing blue contest for a month). "Genis, you can't kill an innocent person, even if they have committed terrible crimes! Wait – then they wouldn't be innocent, would they? Huh …"

He falls back, and Genis stands once more, ready to incinerate.

Only to be stopped, this time, by Kratos. "… weigh the cost of each and every life."

"How many people have you killed in 4,000 years, Mr.-I-Supported-Mithos? Didn't you kill your wife and attempt to kill your son and all his friends in an attempt to steal his crush for your homosexual master?"

"…"

Kratos drops back, going into a corner with some nice comfy padded dead bodies to cry. Yuan crawls over to comfort him with a good back-rub (as well as rub his sexy, sexy hair).

Genis prepares to do it AGAIN. Only to be stopped by, dun dun dun …

…. Presea.

"… I do not feel comfortable with this, Genis. You may never get rid of your guilt at killing one who has never killed another."

"… Kinda like Regal …"

"Ah … yes …" A faint pink blush appears on Presea's cheeks. "Like Regal …" she goes into a minor swoon and Regal sweatdrops, looking angsty and/or disconcerted and/or constipated (just picture him how he normally looks). He catches her. She lands conveniently against the bare patch of skin that his tattered shirt leaves uncovered. He blinks a large, salty sweatdrop right onto her nose, where she reaches up (what tongue control!) and sloooooooooooooooooowly licks it off.

Genis growls. Nothing will stop him this time.

"Genis, think of humanity! Surely you don't want to be like – "

Colette, sidearmed with either the kendama or the frying pan, falls to the floor, whimpering. Lloyd is too busy pondering whether someone can be innocent after voice acting Genis like a girl to catch her, and she gets a giant concussion and starts spouting blood. Which is a sort of freakish greeny-blue color. (You didn't think angels bled RED, did you?)

No one bothers to look, though Kratos accidently first-aids her with one of the spells he's throwing off at being touched by Yuan in that "special place."

Between his tense shoulderblades.

Where did you think? DON'T TELL ME YOU THOUGHT OF THAT OTHER –

(The rest of the above line has been censored in the interest of maintaining a T rating.)

Back to Genis and his final, final, FINAL time to indignation this girl's ass to hell.

Niflheim.

Which is just a BOOK. Not a freaking DEMON DIMENSION. Which CERTAINLY can't be contained by RATATOSK THE SQUIRREL IN THE BODY OF AN ELECTRONIC MULE – er, a kid with a cowlick and severe abuse problems.

But Genis is, JUST as he is about to cry (in his totally authentic voice) something rhyming with "shminshmigshmation," he is forcibly jerked around and smacked by Raine.

Raine Sage, people. Why?

You can't ask. You aren't in the story. But if you wait a second Genis will do it for you.

"OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMY WASN'T THIS ABUSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

One more second.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??!?!?!?!??!! WHY!??!?!?!"

"Well," Raine said, releasing a now rumpled and freshly spanked Genis who was glaring at her hatefully and clutching his now broken kendama (the girl's hard on her props), "we need to find out who's responsible for this. ALL of it. So you can't kill her until we interrogate her."

Everyone let out a unanimous gulp except those already certified as sadists, which included Sheena, Mithos, Yuan (though he might have been gulping because Kratos was nipping at his ear), Colette (groggily regaining consciousness), Kratos (occupied with … ahem … other things), and Anna, because she was dead long ago. Anyone who had recently died in this story came temporarily back to life to join in the chorus, including several of the nerds and Botta, who promptly died again and caused the rest of Yuan's Renegades to commit suicide in some sort of freakish half-elven funeral custom.

It was put in place by Mithos and they all adapted it.

Even the freak-girl in question finally stopped clapping her hands in delight and believing in fairies (in another world, both Tinkerbell and Navi dropped dead, along with the Little Mermaid – hey, close enough) as she noticed that RAINE SAGE was talking about her.

And not in an I-love-you-ruins' kind of way. More like a 'here-are-the-tools, here-is-my-table, what-a-lovely-day-to-DISSECT-MY-TEST-SUBJECT-and-drink-that-nice-new-herbal-tea' kind of way.

She tried to run. She tripped over one of the now de-animated dead bodies.

They tied her up and tortured her for several hours. She started telling them what they wanted to know within the first seventeen seconds, which didn't even get halfway through the tying up process. After that they were tortured her to make the girl JUST SHUT UP.

Nerd-kisses didn't work. Gummy, sticky, sweet, or sugary candy didn't work (of course, most of the characters stole the candy and ate it on the sly). Really really gross things didn't work. Electrocution (go Volt!) didn't work. Neither did freezing. Or any other summon spirit power. Or the random pair of plyers Raine found. Or Genis's kendama ball puncturing her eye. Or Cyclone. Or Psi Tempest. Or listening to Magnius talk.

In the end, she died from dehydration after all the saliva she spewed out. The group continued on, with the location of all of the other members: the only USEFUL information she had given them. After they went through seven months of extreme psychotherapy to repress the disturbing images she had given all of them.

"And then, sometimes, when they have candy corns in the store around Halloween season, I use my braces to cut open a bag and pour them down the front of my – "

(Censored)

"And then, with the Genis doll I handmade out of eyebrow clipping and wax I got from that nice Asian lady, I go to bed and snuggle up tight with it pressed right up next to my heart and I tell it all sorts of things, like – "

(Censored)

"And then, she told me I looked fat in purple, so I said, 'Well, you look fat in every color of the rainbow' and then next week she totally went Goth, so then I took all my purple clothing and put it in the bathtub and jumped in with a pair of scissors and some – "

(Censored)

"And then, sometimes, when I see limes I totally think of – "

(Censored)

"And then, when I saw it, I totally laughed and said 'That looks like a – "

(CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED! CLEANSE THY BRAIN OF SUCH VILE IMAGES!)

They decided to stop at each voice-actor/loser who ripped off the graphics/person responsible for turning the nice pretty purple ground into a sea of festering plotholes' house/place of work and murder them along the way.

Because, you see, the girl had told them one thing of interest: (which had nothing to do with how much of your own foot you can fit in your mouth if you bite pieces of it off) that someone else had been RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS THING.

She called it 'ceezkle.' And said that they were, omigod, SO CUTE.

They?

Well, she'd told the group that only the magical plot people could contact them at will, though the voice actors had all been hand-chosen for their 'greatness!' by them. Through one-sided glass. And a black curtain. Cloak-and-dagger, a bit.

So they went and painfully tortured a LOT of people, causing the media and government to shake their heads at this latest tragedy: what new wave of serial crime was this, and how the HELL did they get the bloodstains so far up the walls? And why did it look like simultaneous fire, water, light, electricity, other things, and just pure sweat, metal, and pwnage had all just randomly combusted?

Because it did. But it didn't combust and it definitely wasn't random.

At long last, at the last house, in the last bedroom, of the last script writer, they found a clue.

It was a paper. That said, '**Call if you need help screwing anything up … er, fixing the plot. We can be reached only through this number. – CSSKL'.**

"Curiouser and curiouser!"

Everyone murders Alice, too, just for her general idiocy, blonde hair, and atrocious grammar, and they go to a pay phone to call the number.

Lloyd puts on a fake voice and pretends to be the guy they murdered. (Of course, he might not have the most accurate model for memory, seeing as screams are generally shriller than a person's inside voice – but it wasn't his fault the guy couldn't take a couple of dozen hits … and fireballs … and other things …)

"Um … hello? We … had a question?"

"What?" The voice sounds like it's unsure how, exactly, to use a telephone. The phone is dropped, there's some fumbling and raised voices, and a recorded metallicky voice comes on. Cloak-and=dagger, anyone? Or maybe voice synthesizer?

"WHAT?!?!? PIZZA MAN, I TOLD YOU THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF MYSELF SMEARED IN CHEESE AND LYING NAKED ON A BED – oh, um, Why are you calling? We have already completed the game."

Lloyd looked at the group desperately. Raine prompted him, whispering, "… we're making another sequel. We need your advice."

"We're, um, making another sequel. We need your help. Can we meet?"

"I told you the old faggot was gay!" someone shouts in the background. Another person shushes him, and a minor hitting match ensues. The cast members frown. Why do they sound so suspiciously familiar? In particular for Lloyd … he's sure he's met them somewhere …

But he's too busy with his phone conversation.

After another few minutes, the large cheese pizza arrives and everyone digs in. Then Naruto swipes it all away in favor of ramen, which he eats all of, leaving everyone to scramble on the floor for the really gross pizza. When they are then confronted by the tutu'd MONKEYS who are already eating it and the anchovy-disguised brain-control hats, which they shove on their heads and start making Mithos do the funky chicken dance – oh, WAIT, he's doing it to impress Genis, my Martel what is he wearing –

Oops. Wrong story. Little paperclip who still thinks this is a letter, please delete that for me. And also stop trying to tell me I've spelled all their names wrong.

"... ahem. Well. That's fine. Come to the Hilton on Mariscold Street – in Chesapeake, not Colorado – and we'll talk. We're delighted to hear about the prospect of a second sequel."

The phone goes dead. Everyone spends a few minutes (coughcoughHOURScoughcough) threatening adroid death to any who so much as SUGGEST the prospect of another sequel. Raine is conveniently exempted from the punishments. (She offered to make it up to them by cooking all of the group's meals for a month …)

And so they used the Rheiards (who knew they still worked in the real world? This is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!) to get to the Hilton. Except it had been bought by the Mariot and renovated to be cheaper (and uglier). But they added a lot of extra cheap gold leaf and some Christmasy accents, so no one really cared …

Except when one of the letters fell off and killed someone because it had been attached with shimmer body glitter glue.

And so they sent Genis in (they disguised him as the dead dude, using a Centurion core they had conveniently stolen, because there are a FEW good things about the new game even though accusing Lloyd of being a villain is not one of them), while they others went around through various points of entry (all but one-and-a-half illegal. Undine's involved sneaking in through a tap, which caused several nasty shocks in the kitchen when Volt came through. And all of the meat was somehow soggy, burnt to a crisp, half-frozen, still dirty, AND overdone all at once. Worse than Raine's cooking, I tell you).

While Genis approached the desk, got a business room number, nervously adjusted his nonexistent tie (basically like a hologram), and went it.

There was, predictably, a lot of hissing and a black curtain settled over half the table.

"Um … I'm here for … ?"

"We know. Sit."

Genis sat. "I'm so sorry to trouble you … I just … wanted to know if you had any ideas?" He was, of course, pulling all of this out of his ass. He had no idea what he was supposed to be like. Really, he was just killing time until the others burst in here to help with the slaughter and because Raine had told him to "act like the dead dude or you'll be punished." Wait, maybe that had been Mithos …

"You were right to contact us." Snickering – a smack. "What have you prepared?"

Sweaaaaaaaaaaaaatdrop. "Um … uh … prepared?"

Sigh. "You don't have anything done, do you? Fine. We'll get back to you and consider. Why don't you use Emil and Marta's rebellious children and their loving aunts and uncles?"

"WHAT?!?!?!?! E-MULE AND WAL-MART'S CHILDREN??!?!?!??!"

Genis shot out of his chair, mind spontaneously combusting. God stop the pain …. Emil's blond hair in rat-tails AND nasty cowlicks …

"Mind … mental … scarring … no …"

He collapsed and the Centurion Core stopped working, causing shocked and surprisingly girlish gasps, which didn't matter by then because everyone had just stormed in and a "FIRE BALL!" had ripped down the tacky black curtain.

Everyone gasped.

Because it revealed …

Well, you don't want to know.

.


	2. CSSKL REVEALED

And so it revealed …

Well, you don't want to know.

(a/N:Which is why I gave you a nice little between-chapter pause before I continued. Apologies for the longer-than-intended wait because of a nasty writing portfolio to be typed up.)

And so, for the third time, it revealed …

THE TRUE IDENTITY OF CSSKL (also known as 'ceezkle.')

WHICH WAS REALLY JUST AN OBVIOUS ACRONYM OF THE NAMES CLESS, STAN, SENEL, KYLE, AND LUKE.

… yes, it was THEM. Zelos, the only one who hadn't passed out instantaneously from the shock (no one could, after all, trump HIS amazing awesomeness), cried lloydly and loudly, "It's YOU!!!!!!!!!! You BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!! It's all because you're jealous that I'm prettier than all of you, isn't it? WE WILL GET REVENGE FOR WHAT YOU DID TO OUR SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Care to guess which sentence wasn't channeling Lloyd?

The first one. Exactly.

"YES!!!!!!!!!" Cless shouted, fiving into a secret tendency he had never gotten to use in the game: his deep and menacing EVIL LAUGH. "It was us all this time! We ruined what could have been a great sequel! Because YOU DON'T DESERVE ONE, YOU NASTY FAME-STEALING SYMPHONIANS!!!!!!!!!!"

"It's not our fault we have a multi-linear battle system and a hero who isn't blonde or boring! You're all just jealous that we have two heroes instead of one!"

"Wait … who?"

"Lloyd and Zelos."

"… I think you mean Lloyd and I."

"… No, we don't, Kratos, you're far too dark and foreboding to be a secondary hero …"

"… No he isn't, a TON of heroes are dark and angst-ridden …"

"… the Tales of series goes in for idealists, not old guys with wings … anyway, YOU BETRAYED US!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Um … uh …" They older-model heroes (excepting Luke, who's just there because Lloyd has broader shoulders and won't go out with him) sweatdrop as they realize that they are now facing down a crowd of murderous, no longer passed out Symphonians. And there are a LOT of people with TP to burn.

Hee-hee. Burn. Let's see if Kratos casts FIRE BALLS …

"I can't believe you all!" Genis cried, starting to bounce with his kendama in rage. "How could you come up with something this sick and twisted? It's just _wrong!"_

"And we're going to make you pay for it! Right, Genis?"

"No!" Kyle suddenly shouted, shaking. "I can't hold back any longer! It wasn't us who thought of this! It was … the _voices." _He collapsed and started to rock himself back and forth, shaking uncontrollably. His dad, Stan, looked down at him uncomfortably. Nudging him with a foot. Cless suck in a hissing breath. "We swore to secrecy on that topic!"

He looked up at everyone. Cleared his throat uncomfortably. "You didn't hear anything, okay? Damn, it's hard trying to conceal things as a villain."

"THE VOICE!!!!" Kyle shouted from the floor, still rocking and moaning. "THE VOICE!!!!!!! IT LEADS THE VOICES, AND IT SOUNDS LIKE EITHER A LITTLE BOY OR A VERY GAY MAN!!!!!!!!!"

"…"

"Time to go," Cless said hastily, grabbing Kyle in one hand and drawing his sword in the other as he looked out at the still-stunned ToS crowd. "Luke, perform evasive maneuver 58!"

"… evasive maneuver what? Sorry …" Luke said, not having paid attention, which was unforgivable because when the main hero/villain talks you ALWAYS HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION (because Attention covers the way with plotholes if you don't – it hates cheap people), even though no one really does, but understandable because he had been occupied staring at Lloyd's gorgeous, heaving chest, even covered as it was by tacky and oppressive red, buttoned clothing. Luke wished Lloyd wore a belly shirt.

He also missed the glares of Colette, Zelos, Sheena, Genis, and a lot of other people. But they say love is blind, right?

OH, wait, we were talking about brainless lust. I suppose that's rather visual-centered.

"Wait – weren't there only 50 evasive maneuvers we agreed upon?" Stan asked, moving over to Cless's other side to help support his son and then accidentally dropping him when he took his hands away to scratch his head.

"No, no – those were only the official ones. Remember, the completely humiliating surprise attacks? The ones we discussed at the end, once we had gotten drunk? And remember the only one that didn't involve falling disco balls, trip wires, and cauldrons of boiling water? The one where Luke jumped out at everyone, used his Cheegul to create enough fiery madness to escape, and then we all used the secret tunnel we knocked through the wall to escape out the neighboring rooms' window?"

Stan sweatdropped. "Cless … you just kind of told our enemies the entire surprise plan … and, you know, this _is _the groundfloor … we have doors …"

"But they'd expect us to go through those! Quickly, Luke, while they're still surprised!" Cless shouted in what he thought was a dramatic, leaderly voice. It was as leaderly as … well … the-loser-hero-who-acts-all-noble-and-has-to-make-difficult-decisions-and-so-must-remain-tormented-but-still-an-unimpeachable-force-for-good … okay, as leaderly as himself.

Luke finally dragged his eyes away from Lloyd's well-toned six-pack to glare at him scornfully. "You seriously think anyone's still surprised?"

"Well, duh. Now that we've gone and discussed it they won't be expecting it and so now it's unexpected again and you should just hurry up and shoot!"

"The voices … they're telling me to shut up now …" Kyle moaned weakly, before slipping out of consciousness once more. No one really seemed to care, except a couple of seraphim in the corner who were looking just a little bit guilty, well, excepting Kratos. "Make them go away, dad … I'M TIRED OF THE LIES!"

Everyone sweatdropped. Well, at least now that Kyle was a certified basket case no one needed to bother with listening to him.

Cless seized the moment to carry out his long-awaited master plan, grabbing the Cheegul from Luke's belt and letting the group have it. "CHEEGUL!!!"

In the ensuing fireball, the heroes (those non-Symphonian) sneaked into the next room, as planned, and jumped out the window. They ran away, cursing their ill luck and the tarnishment of their hero reputations.

Raine, meanwhile, was ignoring the other sulkers and getting to work on the clues Kyle had left, assuming he wasn't just completely insane. Voices … who would be predisposed into manipulating others to doing their dirty work through voices in their head? Who would have the means to do so?

She spun around to look at one Mithos Yggdrasill, who was currently trying to sneak out the door. Yuan was following him. Kratos stood staring at them.

She spoke. "Mithos … Yggdrasill … _you _weren't one of the voices in Kyle's head commanding them to shut up, were you?" Raine asked quietly, making everyone turn to look at him. "Were _you _the one responsible for this monstrosity of a sequel?"

No one missed the obvious threat implicit in her voice. Raine Sage did _not_ show mercy on those who gave her gray hair and belittled her quest for an end to discrimination. Which was surprising, anyway, since Mithos' great plan had been an END to discrimination, with the age of lifeless beings. Something to ponder.

After Mithos' imminent demise.

"Um …" Mithos, wel, really Yggdrasill, hedged. "Well …"

And then Yuan snapped. "YES! It was us! You all forgot about me, didn't you? I could understand Mithos! After all, he died! And Kratos did his stupid little trick with Derris Kharlan! But what about _me? _No, 'hey, let's go visit Yuan'? No, 'hey, wait a second, Yuan was the one who actually gave the Tethe'allans exspheres and also happened to be privy to all the twisted plans of Cruxis'? No, 'wait a second, I should invite Yuan to come with me, considering he's one of the seraphim too'? No, 'hey, Yuan's a half-elf, maybe he can help us!'? NO! NOTHING!!!!"

"…"

"… Yuan … I never knew you felt that way …"

"… we would've let you come if you asked, Yuan!"

"… _this _is your sick and twisted revenge?"

" … We thought you had to disband the Renegades!"

"… Yuan … you never … volunteered. I didn't wish for you to have to join me in exile."

"Then why aren't you in the sequel, if you were behind it? Only one cameo … we'd think you'd have done a bit more, if you were so set on ruining our reputations." The last came, again, from Raine. She had her staff pressed against his neck and was standing next to Genis, who was already bouncing his kendama, and Sheena, who'd already summoned three of her Summon Spirits. Gnome, Shadow, and Efreet, in case you were wondering. She summoned Undine next. A chance to wash out Yuan's mouth for once, if they were lucky.

"But he would have made Kratos the intro, just to hear his voice …" Lloyd said thoughtfully. Kratos, still shell-shocked, made no move. He was stunned at the concept that Yuan could actually WANT him, a human, with an idiot son, who had worked for Cruxis, after Martel? He continued to ponder this in increasingly self-deprecating yet hopeful terms as everyone else, who had gotten used to him starting to mutter to himself, kept at the problem at hand.

"So … anything you want to tell us, Yuan? Why? _Why did you do it, then?!?!"_

"Agh!" Yuan tried to squirm away from the blade to answer. "I barely did anything! It was all Mithos' idea, in return for you all killing him! He wanted to punish all of you! THAT's why I only got a measly cameo! He ripped me off!"

Everyone looked stunned. Then they looked around. Then they looked angry.

Because Mithos, as the "intelligent" and "sensible" being he was (read "craven" and "sneaky"), had snuck out while everyone was interrogating poor, crazy Yuan. They looked and looked (in all ways mentioned) for him in the room, but to no avail. He was as gone as the members of CSSKL ('ceezkle'), though far more inconspicuously.

"We will hunt him down," Lloyd announced, getting nods from everyone, including the Desians, Renegades, seraphim, and Grand Cardinals, who were all rather miffed (both dead and living) that they hadn't been included in their leaders' scheme. Everyone from the original group looked positively murderous besides Kratos (still mumbling – knew he had to go senile someday) and Lloyd (customary determination).

Zelos was beating everyone else by a good few contortions. No one did _that _to his voice and hair, dammit! He was _way_ too gorgeous! And what was with all that crap about leading the new Papal Knights to help the stupid Tethe'allans as Chosen? He'd spent his life and integrity trying to get away from that title!

Well, he'd spent his integrity in a few other ways, too. One-night stands with noble girls from respectable families and such like. But that was the only one that had mattered. Mithos had promised to rid him from the title of Chosen, anyway! Must be his revenge, the stupid bastard!

Of course, people notice the similarities between Zelos and Kratos here. The difference: one intentionally says what he thinks aloud. The other thinks he's suffering in silence.

No wonder you can't have that much angst in the party at the time. Everyone else is too busy dealing with their OWN tragic pasts and mishaps.

"That's right, we'll hunt him down … and get revenge," Sheena continued grimly. More nods. One Renegade briefly pondered coining some sort of new way to signify agreement, such as clasping two hands together and bobbing them up and down or clinking weapons together. But what if one's weapon was shorter or broke or something? Or what about pacifists?

He was hit by the Renegade next to him, who knew he had a tendency for daydreaming. He was, incidentally, the Renegade who had put Lloyd's weapons in the chest right by the prison cell in the very first Desian base, by Triet. Hey, at least he was an individual …

But back to the big picture. Raine, after agreeing with everyone else, smirked evilly and added, "We'll have to split up, of course, and scour all the three worlds, but first to the interrogation of the prisoner …"

Yuan, still pinned under Raine's staff, gulped. Genis smirked evilly as he started up a spell.

Any wonder Mithos/Yggdrasill was in love with him?


	3. SVR IS FORMED

A/N: Apologies for the late chapter … SVR is dedicated to .Wrong. No one should worry – the only Tales of games I've ever played are Vesperia and Symphonia. Next time, hopefully, will be sooner.

Question: what is too random? Since I seem to be throwing sparkly scarves all around the border and occasionally slipping with an extra dose of sugar?

Disclaimer: Lloyd (shuffles papers) "Well, no one owns us exactly. I'm very proud of the fact Symphonia has no slave trade. In fact prisoners of war were once taken in smaller skirmishes for pre-Kharlan kingdoms, where magitechnology began developing increasingly strongly – wait, what's all this junk?"

Raine (clearing throat, pained expression): "That isn't _junk, _Lloyd. It's important history. Keep reading."

Zelos: "Raine, my ultra gorgeous glamorous beauty, wasn't he supposed to be talking about how this was merely a transcript of our actions and not any sort of control or ownership? Not give a history of slavery as far as the pre-records date in Tethe'alla and Derris Kharlan?"

Raine: "But that's far more fascinating! Besides, if we do, in fact, as spatial characters that inhabit such a world, possess free will, it is perfectly within our rights! I specifically prepared this lecture!"

Sheena: "But this story isn't ABOUT you, Raine! It's about all of ours quest for revenge! And seriously, the author's already writing the journey of world regeneration over exclusively from YOUR point of view!"

Raine: "And Lloyd's. And Genis's. She'll get to yours eventually. Now, back to our planned lecture – "

Regal (walks on stage): "And we now officially cut off this disclaimer to rebegin the description of our quest. In which I actually speak." (Humphing sound.) "Finally."

Lloyd: "Dammit! Now it's all dark! How am I supposed to read that whatsit-thigy Raine wants me to read?!?! Ow! Someone really needs to get less pointy bones …"

Zelos: "That's my Cruxis Crystal, Lloyd, if you're talking about my chest. Could you get off me now, pseudo-Colette? And wasn't this thing supposed to be ending?"

Regal: "Yes, it was. It should be ending NOW."

--

Meanwhile, diverging briefly from our lovely Symphonians, we come to the members of CSSKL … under siege.

By members of the newly formed SVR: I'm praying you can guess who it's made out of.

Senel hammered at the penthouse door (they hadn't traveled to earth not to live in style). Calling. "Hey! You lousy traitors, let us in!" He continued hammering. Considering he fought with his hands instead of a sword, the door wasn't going to last very long. Cheap stuff in hotels these days. No good old solid oak or cedar.

"Go away!" Cless called from inside, sounding irritated. "I'm trying to find a way to open the portal home, and there's no way I'm taking you all with me."

BAM! The door flew, well, really collapsed, inward. Senel, Reid, and Veigue stepped in with their aura of menace. Stan, on the bed gorging on room service and totally ignoring the shuddering ball of his son (Yggdrasill was angry to have his cover blown, of course), glanced up. A bit of red sauce slid down his chin and dripped back on the plate.

Cless, over by the window, looked over his shoulder and snarled. If only he could get the warp gate operational –

Luke grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around, through the fulcrum of his body that let it work considering he was most certainly NOT larger or better built. He shoved Cless forward. "Sorry, Cless, but NO one steals the Cheagle out of my pants without repercussions." He correctly recalibrated the warp gate and disappeared, to return at a time better suited to the plot. Cless let out a bellow of immesurable rage and tried to hit him as he left, resulting in the smashing of the warp gate.

And was then halted by the presence of Veigue's sword at his throat. "No need to run out so soon," he growled. Cless, used to being a hero, didn't gulp. He preferred to actually have an Adam's apple when this was over. "Reid, do the honors?"

"Of course," one Reid Hershel said, moving to the center of the room. Senel was hovering threateningly over by Stan, on the bed, and eyeing a thigh of his barbecue chicken. Kyle wasn't judged, currently, to be much of a threat. (Obviously.)

Reid cleared his throat nervously and pulled out the charter from a place no one wants to mention. (His messenger bag. It was a totally unattractive shade of brown.) "Yes, well, we declare you, the members of CSSKL, otherwise dubbed 'ceezkle' (we have our sources), our sworn archenemies in this alliance and bring to you our primary grievance. Cless, as ringleader we address you with our founding purpose: Why?"

"Why what?" he barely managed to wheeze out, constricted beneath Veigue's sword and Veigue's glare.

Senel exclaimed in shock. "Why you didn't let us in on it, of course! You totally broke the charter!"

"Um … uh …"

"Reid, read the pertinent sections of the charter," Veigue intoned. "He must realize his crime."

"F-fine," Reid stammered, pulling out _another _pertinent document from the same unmentionable place. He cleared his throat. "Section One of the Mothership Main Heroes Brotherhood Charter states clearly, 'I shall never turn against my fellow heroes if they do not turn against me, for we are united in saving the world.' There's a subclause that reads, 'If vengeance is to be taken out upon one hero's party for a crime deemed worthy, ALL of the other members are to be consulted and invited into the course of action. You do remember the clause, right, Cless, seeing as you wrote it? Three, we have the list of punishable crimes and punishments that have already been voted acceptable for those crimes. I'm unclear exactly what you charged them with."

"Gluhglghuhg …" Cless gargled, as Veigue's sword pressed down on his windpipe …

"Veigue," Senel barked, rolling his eyes, "lighten up. You can't kill him before the rest of us charge him."

"As you will," he muttered, letting up – a little bit. Cless, having no chance to massage his sore throat or to do anything but start croaking to forestall his fate, whispered, "Such insufferable fools. Zelos was so smug, even though he's nothing but a traitor – remember when he crashed the party, Luke's introduction at the competition? We heard they were going to have a sequel and couldn't bear if they were to get more fame. So we decided to sabotage it. It wasn't a punishment."

Yeah, sore throat. Right. The main hero's version of it, anyway, in which nothing (not even their own rage and impotent anger) can stop them from giving long and idealistic speeches.

Though the above looks rather more like what _Mithos_ would say when asked to justify something …

Veigue snarled. "That is entirely without honor!"

Senel looked up at Reid. "So what would be the correct punishment for sabotaging a fellow hero and his companions' future out of jealousy, Hershel?" he asked.

"Hm … let me see …" Reid muttered, shifting through the list. "Got it. Forced into a non-Brotherhood world without weapons to see what it's like not being the hero and cure extraordinary bigheadedness, one of yours, I believe, Senel. Where should we send them?"

(Yes, Stan was still sitting on the bed and Kyle was still in the corner, though he'd stopped rocking. And Luke was still at large and largely forgotten.)

"Hmm …" Senel pursed his lips, casually slapping down Stan, who had once again tried to jump up off of the bed and make a run for it. He really shouldn't have discarded his sword to eat barbecue chicken while on the run.

"What about Tales of Vesperia?" Veigue suggested, making the tiniest see-saw motion with his sword in the hope that no one would notice when he started cutting into Cless. He really hated buffoons and people who couldn't deal with jealousy …

"That's great!" Reid enthused, drawing out another set of papers. "If you all would like, I can go read them the condition forms and make the main hero's group agree not to interfere …"

"You go do that, Reid," Senel said with exaggerated patience. "Veigue, stop attempting to kill Cless quietly enough that we don't notice. We'll stay here on guard duty while he does that."

"Fine," Veigue said reluctantly, slacking off a LITTLE tiny bit as Reid hurried out of the room and used stolen and modified Mizuhan technology to disappear for Vesperia-verse. He settled in for the wait, humming an old love ballad version of 'I Know a Song that Get on Everybody's Nerves.' Cless played a game to see how long he could keep from shifting in discomfort.

He lost quickly. Veigue gave him a nasty neck gash. Senel came over there and bitch-slapped them both. Stan tried to make a break for it and failed because his hands were too slippery with barbecue and chicken grease to turn the door handle. Kyle escaped from his corner at the urging of his master and went to do other, mysterious things, thus signaling the end of everyone who was going to leave in this particular scene's foreshadowing.

Now to Mithos/Yggdrasill and his new, temporary evil lair, because everyone knows the hero's group is the absolute LAST to know anything … the main hero, anyway. The others keep well-hydrated and learn key information through osmosis that later resurfaces at key plot points, as customary for RPGs.

Sadly, Mithos was not plotting. He was sulking and lying on the couch. Because … well … he was at a loss. He just couldn't remember where he'd gotten the idea to sabotage the sequel. And when you forgot things like that, it was probably a sign that you were being remotely manipulated by someone very skilled. If only he could remember …

Oh, wait. That was the freaking problem. Come to think of it, it was suspiciously like when he'd decided to start resurrecting Martel through the Mana lineage, even though there were a hundred simpler ways, and when he'd penetrated to the heart of the Renegade Triet base, where he'd woken up with a bashed-in skull and a crippling headache in Flanoir a few hours later. Hmm …

Well, no need to think about revenge on Yuan right now. He had, after all, pretty much abandoned him to his imminent doom.

Mithos couldn't think. And so, kicking back in modern America's equivalent of Vinheim, he fired up the Gamecube and plasma screen TV to do what he loved best:

No, not play tales of symphonia. He couldn't play Lloyd to save his life, and saw everything from the opposite viewpoint. Ogle at the on-screen image of Genis. He looked so cute, running around like that! It was completely understandable why the monsters ran after him – to touch his cute little butt. Seriously, where did he get that outfit?

And, so, inevitably, Mithos lost his train of thought. But other people were finding it. People named … well … see for yourself.

Yuan lay there, panting, in very near mortal agony. You see, it had taken them all some time to get Raine away from him when she had become interested in the mana flow of an angel's internal organs … Kratos had been too busy moping to help. So they'd left him there. And of course the only two people who could cast a stinking first aid were the one who had been about to dissect him and the one sulking. He hadn't even let Mithos mess him up in the sequel! Honestly!

So Yuan fumed. Until someone tossed a gel at him, which landed on his Cruxis Crystal in the rip Raine had made on his chest. He groaned. "Could this get any more humiliating? Who threw that?"

"I did." Our very own Luke fon Fabre, who had been missing for the last two scenes, stepped out of the shadows. "Sorry about my aim. I left my healer back home."

"Thanks, I suppose." Yuan grimaced. "So why are you here? Come to torture me about Mithos' whereabouts, or just get more revenge after you've healed me for the whole manipulation thing?"

"Nah." Luke shook his head. "I was remembering something Asch said to me once about evil plots – you know, my stupidity and the usual, he's so mean – and realized that the real culprit can't be the former villain. You think your Yggdrasill thought this up by himself? I mean, we didn't. So I thought you might have a better lead."

"Interesting theory." Yuan paused. "I almost think I believe it. And so why do I have the feeling that one of the people with the biggest grudge against Mithos and everyone else would be … Pronyma?"

"Let's go investigate her, then. Onward!"

"I guess main hero-syndrome really IS a disease …"

And now, finally, time to return to everyone else. They were currently following Presea through the busy city streets for a reason everyone assumed the other people knew and so didn't ask about. They were drawing many strange glances.

Inevitably, Lloyd started to whine. It was hot and his clothes were made like a dwarf's, which wasn't really the best design to take seeing as it was a lot cooler underground where there wasn't the unrelenting light of a giant and burning sun. Turning to Presea for a change, instead of Kratos or Raine, he moaned, "Where were we going, anyway? How do you know where Mithos is? And when are we going to GET there?"

Presea turned quietly to look at him, proffering a note. "He left this note in Genis' pants pocket …"

Lloyd took it as the group clustered around him like they used to. It was a note on lilac paper, and it was so hot out that for the life of him he couldn't have told whether or not it was scented. The note read, in surprisingly girlish handwriting that may or may not have been glitter gel pen, _If you want to get together, Genis, I'm always free – 777-991-223, 3900221 Yesket Lane – See you there! _Followed by a lot of hearts, Xs, Os, and smiley faces.

Genis winced. And then shuddered. "I thought I felt someone touching me down there … I can't believe that was Mithos …"

"Well who would you think it was, brat?" Zelos asked, putting his elbow on Genis's head and leaning over to get a better view. "Surely you didn't think anyone _else _would like you? Think of it this way, at least Presea's interested enough to go snooping in your pocket."

"H-hey …" Genis stammered, blushing. Presea looked faintly pink as well. "I'm sure she wasn't doing anything like what a sicko like YOU would have been thinking …"

"Well, it IS interesting to know what a guy keeps in his pockets," Zelos said, eyebrows wiggling, "because, you know … she could have been looking for something a lot more USEFUL in her particular situation … y'know, items that can be used for amorous purposes … most particularly a wonderful invention by scientists called a co – "

SMACK! Came Raine's staff down upon his head. "How dare you speak of such things in front of my little brother!'

SMACK! Came Sheena's hand. "You pervert! Trust you to know all about those!"

Zelos groaned. "There's no need to be such a violent demonic banshee, Sheena," he said, kneeling. "Besides, you seem to know plenty about it yourself – if you'd like to inspect MY pockets – "

SMACK! Came Regal's iron greaves, knocking Zelos out for the count. "That," he said, staring down at him, "was punishment for indiscreet treatment of a lady."

Presea blinked. "Who's going to carry him?"

"Ooh, I will!" Colette said. "He's really light, too! I can probably do it on my own."

And so the Chosen of Tethe'alla became a rather flagrantly dressed sack on his fellow Chosen's back, and the party continued. To the penthouse apartment of Mithos Yggdrasill, who was now well-lost in the dreaming bliss of Genis and had no idea what had been done to him or what horrors were coming.

Yuan had gotten off lightly. So had the humans who'd been fireballed into nasty crisps and had their blackened corpses piled in charred heaps. Because there were a lot of ways to compound an angel's punishment, as he'd tested … because it took a lot to make them die. And Raine Sage thought the internal workings of an angel's anatomy a very fascinating subject indeed.

Indeed …


	4. My Darling Dissectors

A/N: Extra-long chapter for Micah darling, because it was her birthday yesterday. And more Asch than expected because of contact with she-knows-who.

Luke and Yuan were had sat down in front of an entertainment system, ready to get cracking on intensive research for the culprit. Well, really, just to play videogames. Yuan got a kick out of making Kratos run in tight little circles to make the coattails of his outfit fly out, revealing certain tightly-tucked parts of his body that beloved spandex made visible. Ah, spandex. The only reason Yuan had stopped wearing it was because Martel had said it made him bulge like a woman and it had caused a fight that lasted for three months through a war-torn, mana-drained countryside during the journey.

He'd been self-conscious ever since. And turned to capes for a cold, chocolaty comfort.

Luke, a hero still young enough to bear his taut, replicated stomach, grew exasperated quickly. "We're supposed to be looking for clues, Yuan, not ogling your boy-toy! We need to figure out who the culprit is and clear our names in the eyes of the hero alliance!"

"Don't be such a stuffed shirt, brat-boy," Yuan said, stifling a sigh. "There's no hurry after 4,000 years. If we were going to look for a behind-the-scenes person, I'd say it would be one of the Desian Grand Cardinals. After all, weren't they all conspiring against Yggdrasill and building the Mana Cannon, which was masterminded by Rodyle, who was then tricked and betrayed by Pronyma?"

"That's it! Pronyma!" Luke said, revelation distracting him from Lloyd in battle, who he was playing, which made him get hit by a monster and stagger back. Luke winced. "I can't believe I was ever this weak. Right now we need to get to Mithos, just to confirm, so we can back her into a corner."

"Are you sure this is the right base?" A high-pitched, doubtful voice called out, sounding suspiciously like … Anise.

Someone sounding suspiciously like … Jade answered her. "He is most generally found in the base in Triet, having grown up a Sylvaranti. I am sure he'll be here."

"He'd better be," someone sounding suspiciously like … oh shit oh shit oh shit … Asch growled lowly, followed by a few choice words inside of Luke's head: _You suck at covering your tracks, you pathetic replica._

"Well, I can't believe he'd go off without us," Tear said, steadfastly believing in him. Luke still had plenty of time in the midst of his panicking to feel guilty about it, which was likely due to his hero training, which made a person able to be conflicted and knowledgeless and still be able to kill people or escape at the same time.

Yuan looked at him. "This sounds like your call. Friends?"

"In the same time your friends left you to die after torturing you and one abandoned you to deal with the results of his evil scheme," Luke answered, jerking his controller out of its socket and hiding it under the couch and considering diving under there as well. "You have a secret passage, right? Every secret base like this has a high-tech secret passage!"

"You think _I'm_ stalling these people? Do you remember that I already got nearly killed once today?"

"So did I! And I was the one that saved you!"

"True … but it was because I was helping Mithos manipulate you all in the first place that that happened at all," Yuan said, fishtailing the discussion into an all-out blame fest.

Luke wasn't having any of it. "Which is how I got into this mess! You owe me _double_ and you know it!"

Sadly, the poor dear's voice peaked in his confrontation a bit loudly, causing it to carry to places he would not want it to have been heard. Guy stiffened. "Was that … Luke?"

"I would say so," Jade muttered, peering around the corner in an effort to look for guards or traps, of which there were still the basic set, seeing as Yuan had grown rather paranoid after getting involved in Mithos's little scheme. "This would be much easier if we had Mieu, since it looks like the safety catches in here are operated by it. Look, there's one of their primitive ring changers."

"Like it matters," Asch snorted, swinging his sword. "Just tell us where we have to go and we'll knock the door down. I need to give that replica a piece of my mind."

"I can't believe he tried to run off without us," Natalia sniffed. "We're his friends. He really isn't anything like you, Asch."

"I don't know," Tear said, casting a darker look at Natalia. "It seems kind of like some things he did to us, actually."

"How dare you say that about Asch! He has every right not to trust us, after Luke and Van cheated him out of his birthright!"

"Luke didn't do anything! It was all Van's fault! And Asch wasn't exactly forgiving!"

"He has no reason to be! How would _you _feel if the one who stole your life and all the glory was only a replica of you?"

"It isn't his fault! How would _you _feel if you felt like you didn't have the right to exist?"

"I don't know! Ask your sweetheart!"

"Sweetheart! He isn't anything sweet of mine! I'm going to – "

Moving on from the bitch fight, we go to … the Symphonians. Who have now crashed Mithos's place of residence and found him trying to convert electrical power to run on mana to save our poor dying world, which everyone then kicked over and rudely interrupted. Hey, they were the good guys. Mithos had his chance at world-saving.

Sheena knocked him to the ground and whipped out a card (of lightning), jabbing it at him repeatedly and watching his chest convulse. "All right, spill it! Why the hell did you decide to sabotage our sequel!"

Mithos, being intelligent and having had 4,000 years to hone his angelic skills, didn't waste time either explaining or denying it while stuck in a compromising position (one of the reasons he thought Yuan was an idiot), and instead managed, "O divine spear, run my enemy through. Holy Lance!"

After Sheena's fried corpse was dragged back and Mithos was given a bit more breathing room, Raine and Genis stepped forward because they were the only of the World Regeneration party that had the automatic half-elf sympathy card. And besides, they were the ones who had made an art form to angel interrogation. Raine tapped the top of her staff – her "rod," causing Mithos's eyes to widen in horror as an immediate reflex to the way Genis looked like he was going to lose control of his bowels and both Noishe and Corrine were cowering against each other in fear – which revealed where Raine Sage did, in fact, keep the mother of all Swiss army like things of surgical implements. It also included various vials of knockout serum and places to put samples. Well, you didn't think pure wood was able to drive off monsters and keep her safe while exploring the Iselian woods alone?

If only Mithos had been familiar with this – he might have had time to spread his wings and flee. As it was, Raine's favorite steel spider clamp shot out of the end and imprisoned his chest. No one hit on her brother like that and got away with it. Genis grinned maliciously. If Raine was using the clamps that meant he got to do the closer-up work. He fished out the primary tool he kept in his new mini-surgical kit, since Raine had finally deemed him worthy of training, and laid it against one of the sections of his chest between two metal claw limbs. He pressed gently. "So, Mithos …"

"… mind telling us exactly where you got this little idea?" Raine continued in tandem, pressing down just a _little _harder and slotting out one of her other tools. "I wouldn't try any incantations, if I were you, incidentally. My little brother is very fast."

"I wish I knew first hand." Mithos smiled for a second, then coughed and twisted, because both Genis and Raine had jerked a bit involuntarily and were in control of sharp objects pressing into his body. Well, Martel, Kratos, Zelos, and Raine knew First Aid, and none of them were probably going to heal him.

He was rich. He could afford a few gels, assuming they stopped in time for his physique to be salvageable. Normally Mithos would count on a hero like Lloyd to save him, but Lloyd was … well … focusing on other things. Like the fact nothing, including the Eternal Sword or the better one from the Sword Dancer, could cleave Colette and her freakish angelic fangirl strength from his arm, the fact that his dad – the red-haired one – was still sitting in the corner, mumbling something about "He said he was designing our love nest," and the final and most disturbing fact, which was exactly how much he remembered one Luke fon Fabre had been staring at him. Now, he wasn't the most knowledgeable, but he _thought _he knew what it meant when guys stared at other guys like that –

It meant he wanted to challenge him to a to-the-death battle. And Lloyd wasn't sure he could beat Luke, much less kill another innocent person.

But back to the Great Angelic Dissection REVENGE MATCH – er, interrogation.

Raine, luckily well-versed in the ratio to pressure on the clamps through folds of flesh to bone in the structure of a child about Mithos's size, no prizes for guessing how but severe begging not to spread it around and tarnish her wise teacher image, was still holding strong and letting Genis loose on his first test subject. She'd wanted to make sure it was something that would most likely survive and wouldn't make him feel bad about damaging, which fit Mithos perfectly.

Never mind that he was, at this moment, spilling every sordid detail they might ever want to know. No one cared how or why he did it that was paying attention. And the only ones paying attention were the two torturers.

We'll leave them to their fun for a little while.

--

Flynn Schifo rubbed his sadly non-helmeted head and gazed at the people, potentially enemies, who had just fallen out of the sky on top of him.

There were five of them, all male, and all looking a lot like warped, multi-color versions of him and Yuri, minus the hair and armor. Flynn drew his sword, of course, and pointed it at them. One shook his head sheepishly and stood up, the skinniest one with red hair. "Um, hi. You're … Flynn, right? You look like Guy. Flynn Schifo? Commandant? And this is Terca Lumireis?"

Flynn stared at him. "Commandant? I would never dream of entertaining such a blasphemous notion, much less presume to have others think of any but Commandant Alexei as Commandant, especially as I am but a recently appointed captain – "

"Oops." Reid scratched his head sheepishly. "Sorry. We must've dropped in a little early. This is the outskirts of … um, Nordopolica, right?"

"Er … yes."

"Good. I'm Reid, from Tales of Eternia. And this is Senel from Tales of Legendia, who I have – ahem – no idea why he's sleeping, Veigue, from Tales of Rebirth, Cless, from Tales of Phantasia – the blonde one sitting up and rubbing his head, no, not the one with food crumbs on his face or the one who got knocked unconscious somehow on the way here, Stan from Tales of Destiny, who _is _the one with leftover food crumbs on his face, and his son, Kyle, from Tales of Destiny 2, the unconscious one. Now, this early in the game you probably have not found out the truth about what exactly your existence is …"

"Enough," Veigue growled. He stood up and glared at Reid. "Get out the papers. As a game in the Tales of Series, you are required to obey certain laws designated by our Hero and Main Character Charter, which you may become initiated into later if you wish. We now officially charge you with the responsibility of these members of CSSKL, also known as 'ceezkle', the offending group, and expect you to keep them here and out of harm's way until we can round up the Symphonians and have a proper trial. Failure to comply will result in very painful consequences. Sign here, please, and we'll be going. We need to ferret out the villain."

"Um …" Flynn stammered. "I don't have any idea what you're talking about. I'm only a captain. I don't have the authority to take custody of these prisoners. Perhaps you should talk to His Highness, Ioder."

Senel, waking up from his impromptu nap, sighed. "Ioder? Who's talking about _him? _We need authorization from a playable character." He got to his feet.

Reid considered. "I think he's playable near the very end, possibly earlier in the PlayStation 2 version. Captain Schifo will suffice, according to the rules."

Flynn attempted to speak again. "You didn't explain anything!"

Veigue cut him off, producing and proferring a pen from some unknown place similar to where Reid Hershel kept all the legally binding treaties and documents he was carrying around and shoving the contents of both his hands at Flynn. "Enough. Sign this."

Flynn scrawled his signature warily. "Um, I really don't think – "

Veigue took a step back, to wear Senel was reconfiguring the portal. "And _goodbye. _We'll be back in however long it takes to prepare for a proper trial. If you have problems with the prisoners you can contact us by going to the Storm Tower and shooting up a blast of air I'll be having Claire watch for. She can contact someone else. Reid, Senel, let's go." He strode through the just-finished portal. If it had been a few seconds earlier there would have been a few ickier consequences …

Reid timidly half-waved at him. "Um, goodbye. I'll be seeing you soon. I'll have Farah watch for trouble if I can." Senel punched Cless in the head as he made a break for the portal and gestured for Reid to go through, which he did. Senel turned around for one last look at the brave future Commandant.

"Good luck, Knight boy. You're really going to need it when Cless wakes up." He disappeared a few seconds before the portal did.

Flynn gulped, sinking to his knees as he stared up at Brave Vesperia the star. "Yuri may be a murderer, but at least he'd know how to deal with _this …"_

--

Luke cowered. He whimpered. He burst out of the girls' clutches and ran screaming out of the room to land in a pathetic, sobbing heap at Asch's unsympathetic feet. Asch's unsympathetic face looked down on him. Asch's unsympathetic hair ruffled in the air conditioner's breeze. "Stop slobbering all over my feet, you filthy replica. Get back in there. You deserve it, for betraying Tear like that and lying to her."

"I – don't think I can take much more," Luke coughed, hacking blood over Asch's unsympathetic, formerly shiny black shoes, "I already got tortured once today. Don't you think they'll regret it later if they kill me?"

"They might, but I won't," Asch said, unsympathy spewing from his mouth. "You're just a waste of space, and I've been trying to get rid of you ever since I learned of your existence. Now stop bleeding all over my shoes!"

"Well, _sor-ry," _Luke spluttered, hurling himself backwards and leaning against the wall, trying to staunch the flow of blood from his nose, among various other places. His nose started bleeding more profusely, ruining his ability to speak clearly. "Ib nod going bac dere. You can't mek me."

"Yes, I can!" Asch snarled, raising his booted foot to begin the process of kicking Luke back to the torture chamber and the raised sound of girl's voices, ready to shout for them, too. "Now I'm going to – OW!"

Yuan's Swallow blocked his path, which was a bad thing for Asch, since, seeing as he hadn't looked _until _he kicked, ended up connecting with the blade with both his foot and his favorite pair of boots. He roared, hopping back on one foot and falling over. Yuan rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I have located Pronyma. She's with the others. We need to go confront her and save Mithos, as undesirable as that option might be," Yuan said, reaching down to grab Luke and opening another one of those portals that only Four Seraphim and other former heroes were known to possess. "Come on." He tossed him through.

Asch, back on both feet, roared again, reaching for Yuan. Yuan fended him off expertly with his foot, kicking him and disappearing into the portal. Asch charged after him into the fading portal, vanishing with a pop. Just as Anise, Natalia, and Tear rushed around the corner, followed by a panting Guy, followed by Jade, still carrying a blood-stained scalpel that he'd been employing happily, checking exactly how good Van had been at duplicating replicas. They stopped still, looking into the empty, smudged, bloodstained mess in the generally flawless hallway. The Renegade on cleaning duty was going to cry.

"Well," Guy said, "he's gone."

"Dammit," Natalia said, tossing her curls and dropping her own bloody instrument. "Hey! Where did Asch go?"

--

Luke got spat out next to Kratos, landing on his front. Which was bad for the thin skin that still covered his bruised and aching ribs. Lloyd looked over. "Hey, Genis, Professor, if you could stop for a second and come heal him – "

Yuan tumbled out on top of Luke, causing him to hack out another liter of his precious and rapidly fading lifeblood, Kratos to gasp, and Mithos to roll his eyes wildly, who perhaps would have said something if there hadn't been sharp metal pressing into his jugular vein. Genis didn't so much as look over, muttering maniacally under his breath. Much the same thing Raine was doing, though his ramblings were like, "How do you like that, Mithos … think you can hit on me now? Pretend you're my 'friend'? … let's see how much of a little kid you actually are …"

Raine was saying something along the lines of, "Fascinating … the structure of your chest bones have actually changed to accommodate the Cruxis Crystal … I need a better look … Genis, if you move the scalpel to his left quadruped and make a three-inch incision, please …"

Yuan stood up and shouted, "Kratos! I can't believe you nearly let them dissect me, you bastard! I'm going to – " Asch fell through the portal on top of him. He got to his feet and stepped off of Yuan's body, ripping several tears in his cloak and drawing the stunned gazes of many of the Symphonians, except for Zelos, Magnius, and Kratos, who were giving him unimpressed stares in an effort not to look jealous that it was someone with red hair who was either cuter/more manly than them.

"All right, where is this?" Asch said, disgusted, looking around. "What the hell is going on here? And where's my filthy replica?"

"Unghhhhhh …" was heard from the bottom of the human pile. _I'd get up if you weren't stepping on me, _Luke added in Asch's head. He stepped to the side, shoved Yuan off, and dragged Luke up with his newly shortened hair. Luke groaned. "That ruins the entire purpose of this cut." If Tear had been there she would have hit him for shattering her memory of their beautiful, heartbreaking second.

Asch glared into his face, shaking him. "Shut up. And get your blue-haired friend the freak to open up another portal and get us back there so I can watch you get your just punishment."

"How did you get there, anyway?" Luke asked wearily, not bothering to start explaining why, exactly, he couldn't speak to Yuan without talking.

"Jade. He's the leading source at portal technology, now that Van's gone."

Luke nodded.

Yuan coughed subtly. "And now, to get to the purpose of our visit, I ask you not to kill me and to stop killing Mithos, since the idea was planted in his head by Pronyma."

"What? She dared betray me _twice?_" Mithos yelled, getting a nasty cut on the throat for his trouble. Genis didn't bother to remove his weapon as he hacked a bit and continued. "Why are all of my minions so treacherous? _All_ of you – Kvar, Forcystus, Magnius, Rodyle, Pronyma, Kratos, Yuan, Martel – _all _of you betrayed me!"

"Yeah, well, you're insane." Yuan shrugged, examining one of the nasty new tears in his cape. "Speaking of which, don't tell me she – "

"- is gone," Zelos finished, jerking a thumb. "She went that way down the stairs a moment ago, but nobody noticed. She accidentally pressed her entire chest up against me on the way out. She's such an ugly sack of filth."

Sheena snorted. "You're telling me there's actually a woman even _you _don't find attractive? I've seen the makeup plastered on some of your floozies."

"Yeah," Zelos said, "some of them are pretty ugly, but you can't tell in the dark when they're putting out. Something you could use a few lessons on, Sheena, coincidentally, if you were trying to make me happy. I'd love to offer myself up as a test subject."

"Why, you!" Sheena, furious, smacked him. She began to consider more effective punishments, too, like getting Volt to electrocute him and frizz up his perfect flowing locks. Or maybe just get Volt to electrocute him, period. That would be fun to watch.

"Right," Lloyd said, adopting his One With a Plan face and stance, "we need to split up into teams and search for her, in both worlds. Maybe she knows a way to fix this. Let's see, um … Mithos and Genis, the Professor and … um, me, Colette and Regal, Martel and Presea, Yuan and Kratos, Forcystus and Kvar, Magnius and Cacao, Chocolat and Neil, Sheena and Zelos – "

"WHAT?!?!?!?" Three people interjected, exactly in unison. Two of which whom abruptly jumped away and glared at each other. One who grabbed on and clung to one of the other's legs.

"You can't leave me alone with that violent banshee!" Zelos cried.

Lloyd shrugged. "What? You were standing next to her."

Seles hugged Zelos's leg even more tightly, making tourniquet and underexaggeration and amputation a pressing concern. "But I wanted to be with my brother! You can't pair him with that low-down trashy Mizu-ho!"

"I think the proper term is Mizuhan," Lloyd commented, frowning, as Sheena drew in her breath to scorch the skin of the little brat's stupid delicate bones. "Besides, siblings can't be together. I didn't put Mithos with Martel or the Professor with Genis, either. You can be with Princess Hilda, okay?"

"Ew, no!" The two girls exclaimed, jumping away. Despite the fact they were nowhere near each other. Hilda was another one of those girls who had fallen victim to the stalking/accusations of Zelos's sister.

"Can we get back to the issue at hand here, okay? Me and Zelos?" Sheena interrupted, hands on hips. "This is entirely unreasonable!"

"Ooh, I like it when you say our names together," Zelos said, grinning. "Besides, you heard the name!"

"I said me and you, not our names together!" Sheena snapped. "Lloyd, you can't do this!"

"Certainly not," Princess Hilda interrupted, pouting. "Why don't you switch around our partners, so I can be with Zelos and Seles can pair Sheena? I'm sure it would work out much better," she continued, glancing at Zelos in a way that would have given him something to think about down there if his sister wasn't currently constricting all blood flow to the area. Seles was good at her job.

"NO!!!!!!!!" The same two people shouted, horrified, in unison. Seles bared her teeth, which Sheena swore were coated and glistening with _something. _

"Hello?" Asch said loudly, waving Luke's bloodied body in the air like a rag that had gotten torn of someone else's clothing. "I need a portal, here?"

"Maybe Dad can make you one!" Lloyd suggested cheerfully. "You can ask him later. Come on, everyone, let's search!"

And he dragged the Professor, still-open staff and all, out the door and down the stairs before anyone could protest. It ripped a few more bloody cuts in Mithos's chest, but hey, what were a few more screeches to add to the cacophony of protests?

--

Sheena glared at Zelos, crossing her arms over her chest. She then uncrossed them to wave one hand in his face and possibly punch him with the other, assuming he kept staring where she thought he was staring. "Hello? We're supposed to be searching for _Pronyma, _not my bra wire?"

"You have a bra wire?" Zelos asked, trademark smirk breaking out over his features in the inevitable way that dawn follows nighttime. "That's funny. I could have sworn you Mizuhans, or Mizuhos as my sister likes to put it, were strictly cloth preferring – "

"It was a figure of speech!" Sheena shouted, wind whipping down the street and startling the passerby. "Do you want to be slapped?"

Zelos grinned. "I want anything, as long as it means being touched by you."

"Pervert!"

"You know you find me attractive."

"Maybe if I were _male."_

"Are you subtly trying to tell me you're a lesbian? Now there's something I'd like to see – "

"_NO! _I'm trying to tell you that you look like a girl!"

"Jealous that your face isn't very feminine, my violent demonic banshee? Well, you know I'll always be willing to overlook that in favor of your other assets – "

"Shut up! I wouldn't sleep with you in a million years!"

"Well, I wasn't suggesting it, by if you insist – "

"AUGH! That's it!" Sheena shouted, finally at the end of her rope. "You're going to get it!" She ran off.

"Wait!" Zelos called, but was too lazy to run after her. "That was weird," he muttered. But then a college girl walking by caught his eye, and he ran up to talk to her. He was soon distracted from both his partner and his quest, quickly becoming the most sought-after man on the street.

Sheena, in the meanwhile, had found a pay phone. She was dialing a certain girl she'd seen the number on from her MySpace profile, from when she was cooking up some of her evil plans.

"Yes?" a breathless voice answered. "Hello, who are you? Is this Jason? Because, like, I totally said no and told you not to call me because my heart will only ever belong to Kratos – "

"This is Sheena," she interrupted. "From Mizuho. You know, Tales of Symphonia. Do you want to meet Kratos?"

"Omigod, really? Yesyesyesyesyesyes – "

Sheena cut her off, leaning against the booth. "First," she said, "I need you and a few hundred of your friends' help with a certain red head we all know and despise absolutely."


	5. Chapter 5

Mithos and Genis decided to begin their search in Pronyma's private quarters in Derris Kharlan, mainly because she didn't have a base or anywhere else to go to gloat, presumably, and Mithos was still a little sore and wanted to be back on his home turf, especially after seeing how good his crush was at dissection, as well as how much he held a grudge. Even after getting one of the elves to heal him and changing, Mithos still felt sore and very both senses of the word weary. But more of the wary. Because Genis was scary … and he was stuck working with him to find that traitorous Pronyma. Mithos' fist clenched. Pronyma. How _dare _she … make his Genis have a voice like a _girl … _

He can't believe _she'd _had the nerve to manipulate _him. _Oh, wait … he had killed her while she begged … but still. Unforgivable. The ugly bitch was going to pay. He should have gotten rid of her the first time she tried to seduce him. I mean, what kind of line was, "Let's see what kind of itty-bitty wiener you've got squeezed into that skintight bodysuit of yours!" An attractive one? No. Not at all.

And now she'd made him get on the bad side of Genis.

"Well, here it is," he announced, punching in his automated all-access code and voicing "Lord Yggdrasill." "Let's see if she's here."

"Well, no, we were just going to crawl around on the floor with them closed and try to bump into somethi – " Genis started to mutter sarcastically, before gasping and falling to his knees in a sort of shocked, horrified awe. "Oh holy Martel, save us all," he whispered. "What did she _do _to it, buy fifty cans of paint of the worst colors in all the worlds and mix them all together and then splash them all over the place? Is _that _why she does her makeup so badly? I always thought she was naturally that ugly …"

"Well, I saw her face _before _she made it up once, when I had a new idea I just _had _to tell all the Desian Grand Cardinals, and believe you me …" Mithos said wryly, shuddering, "the makeup's for good reason, even if she did learn how to apply it from someone in a circus freak show."

Genis got up gingerly, chuckling. "That must have been really scary. He frowned. "If she was here, wouldn't we have spotted her by now?"

"Not necessarily," Mithos said knowledgeably, shaking his head. "She has a bedroom and a bathroom in her suite, too, and they're both soundproofed. I know. I walked in on her once, and she was singing …"

"No wonder you wanted to kill everyone," Genis muttered. "Nobody saved you from that terrible fate. I mean, in your evil schemes, couldn't you at least have killed the stupid mayors? And the Desians really don't do much for the half-elf image, which leads to _more _discrimination against us." He stole a sideways glance at him.

"You know, you're right," Mithos said thoughtfully. "And the angels on Welgaia are really boring, like my sister is now. Kratos hardly ever talks, and Yuan whines. It wouldn't have been too fun, living in an age of lifeless beings. Maybe we too could take over the world _right _this time?" He stuck his hand out tentatively. "Co-conquerors?"

"Fine, but no acting perverted," Genis warned, taking his hand and shaking it just as cautiously. "And no hurting Lloyd or my sister. Or the rest of my friends. Or the good humans."

"Fine, but the elves and the rest of them are fair game, right?"

"Fine, but don't touch any ruins, and don't ruin the biology of the Ymir Forest or the city's valuable "history." In fact, maybe we should give it to Raine. She'll be so distracted by the priceless elven manuscripts and magic techniques they don't allow anyone else to read that she won't care what we do to the rest of the world."

"Great idea. I'm happy to be working with you, Genis."

"Likewise. Now, as for _Lloyd _we're going to have to work a little harder, but the rest of our friends won't do anything if we can convince him we're right …_"_

--

Martel and Presea were, of course, smarter than the rest of the searchers, albeit more boring. They knew enough to search records of luxury mansions and penthouse suites from a computer database and found a perfectly suspicious one. So they teleported there.

And found Pronyma in the spa, singing the most atrocious tune imaginable. It stretched out from their ears to cover the inner recesses of their logical brain cavities, warping and twisting and ruining the only things they prized – until they fell to the floor, quivering, not even allowed the blissful retreat of unconsciousness. Pronyma stopped singing and looked down at them, smiling. "Two new research subjects. Lovely." She wrapped a bathtowel around herself and waltzed over them. "Now, on to _more _fun and games …"

And they say being smart is a good thing.

--

"Wow, Professor," Lloyd said awkwardly as he watched her read several giant guide books at once and flip the pages with her staff in an arc in front of St. Peter's Basilica, "you … um … do realize that we're supposed to be looking for Pronyma? Not learning about the history of this world, even if it's really … um … interesting?" He was starting to sweat now. When he'd paired himself with the Professor, he hadn't quite realize that they were searching the two worlds over, three if you went back in time or an even more than that if you counted all the other Tales-of verses, with free Eternal Sword teleportation passes to all that history … it made him shudder. Especially after seeing what Genis and the Professor had done to Mithos. Talk about … _twisted _…

"Of course we are, Lloyd," Raine said, still reading, "but I installed this tracking device on one of her jewels the last time we fought her, the same thing I did with all the Desian Grand Cardinals and Mithos and Genis, so we should have no problems. I know where she is right now, but this history is much more important. Now, pay attention, Lloyd. St. Peter's Basilica was originally a smaller church believed to host the bones of the St. Peter, thought to be the first Pope, and was rebuilt in the 16th century by several famous architectural masters of the ti – "

"Professor!" Lloyd shouted, jumping up and scattering her guidebooks. "We have to find Pronyma! She's the one who made us all look ugly and made them invent such a stupid plot for our sequel! She's the one who pretty much ignored your quest for the end of discrimination! She's the one who gave Genis a voice of a girl's and gave you gray hair! We have to stop her for the sake of Symphonia!"

"GRAY HAIR?!?!?!" Raine shouted, rising to her own thief, staff glowing with threatening light. "Never mind history! I'll kill her! Come on, Lloyd! I'll split her head in two and use her innards for science! And give her Cruxis Crystal to charity!"

Lloyd was once again incredibly frightened, very much so, as he nearly always was in the Professor's presence. He made the Eternal Sword appear and readied it. He didn't normally use it or the Material Blades to fight, since, y'know, the swords he'd gotten from the Sword Dancer handled WAY better. "Wh-where do we need to go?"

"Derris-Kharlan. Pronyma's just appeared in her set of rooms. Hurry, Lloyd!" She grabbed onto him and they disappeared due to Origin's grace, reappearing in … well … Pronyma's bedroom. Eerily similar to the most frightening thing in all the worlds, which was … wait. Pronyma's bedroom. Anyway, it was horrifying. Terrifying. With a worse color scheme than her living room. Absolutely revolting.

For starters, she had mixed mauve (the French word for 'sorrow') and puce together with burgundy, maroon, brown, ash gray, liver yellow, liver brown, liver green, booger sepia, vomit scarlet, and refuse dung all together to paint the walls with, leaving little wonder as to how Yggdrasill might have brainwashed the angels. Her comforter and pillows were equally as horrifying, and there was a half-empty box of bonbons on her bedside table next to a bottle of potion. Frightening. Especially since she was sitting on it and eating the bonbons and drinking the potion, watching a gagged-and-bound Mithos and Genis's struggles from her bed and smirking.

"We've found you, Pronyma!" Lloyd shouted as he brandished his swords, true to hero form. "Give it up and let Mithos and Genis go! And tell us how to restore our future!"

Pronyma chuckle-snarled, taking a swig and stuffing her face. She was apparently skilled enough not to smear her horrendous makeup, supposing one could tell. "There _is _no way to fix your sequel, you fool, because that is the future. I've taken Ratatosk from this world's myth and legend and hidden him in our world along with the other cores, and soon the Vanguard will spring up despite what you do and Emil and Marta will be born and Richter will come to light … and you will be framed as a villain! Their precious eternal hero!" She burst out laughing. "Not only have I ruined your 'sequel'! I've ruined your _lives! _Your very futures!"

"Mmm mwnm myumm mmmmm," Mithos muttered through his gag, face twisted in effort. "Mmmopm mytum mm mm meum! Mmingnmatium!"

A lightning bolt fried Pronyma. She groaned and fell back on the bed, half-eaten chocolate falling out of her hand and dropping at the atrocious cheagle-fur sheets, leaving a satisfyingly dark stain that added a nice tone to the black scorch marks. The smirks were visible even behind their gags. Raine ignored the plight of Mithos and her brother and walked over to Pronyma, clamps shking out as she tapped her rod on the former leader of the Desian Grand Cardinal's chest. "Now, I'm sure that you wouldn't have left yourself a bolt hole in the new world, seeing as ageless eternity gets a little boring. You're going to tell us about it. Genis and I _are _keeping ourselves, and the world _will _keep its mana and Lloyd _will _remain a hero to the peoples of formerly Sylvarant and Tethe'alla, not to mention Colette as the professed 'fallen Chosen.' Not to mention the fact that Zelos was working with the people he turned traitor to be rid of all his life. So … what is it?"

Lloyd felt flattered. The Professor thought he was a hero! He went over and cut through the rope on Genis's hands with the Eternal Sword, allowing him to take the gag off himself. The second it was free Genis shouted, "Lloyd! Use one of your _normal _swords! You don't know what the Eternal Sword might do by accident!"

"Oh." Lloyd blushed sheepishly, the Eternal Sword turning once more into the Material Blades somehow and then turning into the ones from the Sword Dancer. He bent down to sever the bonds on his feet. "Sorry."

Genis wiggled them, grimacing at the return of blood flow. "That's okay. At least you came before she did anything to us. I thought no one would figure it out."

"Apparently the Professor put a tracking device on all of the Grand Cardinals and just wanted to take a tour of Earth's historical sights," Lloyd answered, getting to work on freeing Mithos. "All I did was remind her about what the producers did to her hair and your voice, not to mention the discrimination work that they just blatantly ignored. But I'm not sure she heard that part."

"I can't believe she brainwashed me not to think of that!" Mithos spat, jumping to his feet. "I can't believe it! To believe that insipid filth was _my _design, my revenge, my idea! Judgm – "

Genis covered his mouth. "Quiet!" he hissed. "Don't interrupt before sis gets Pronyma to talk, or we'll _never _get the future back to normal! I'll talk like a _girl! _Not to mention we'll have to work the stupid cores into our plans for world domination."

"World domi-what?!?" Lloyd asked, practically spewing shock. Some of the shock hit Genis's clothing. "You can't be thinking of – "

Genis put his hand on his shoulders. "Lloyd," he said. "Remember our talk about stupid people? Remember when the mayor of Iselia kicked us out and didn't listen to anyone until he nearly got voted out of office? We may have _saved_ the world, but we didn't fix it. Mithos had a good idea, just a sucky plan. We can help him fix that."

"So you're trying to take over the world with him? And you want me to help you? Oh, Martel, I'm so confused …"

"There we go." Raine retracted her staff and brushed a piece of hair off of her face, affecting a return to decorum. "One of the transporters in Derris Kharlan can access a time portal, which should bring us out a reasonable time in the future. It should be easy enough to retrieve all of the cores before someone finds them, avoid our dopplegangers, hamstring the Vanguard, and find some way to reinforce the Otherworldly Gate in the Ginunga Gap. And possible give ourselves makeovers and talking-tos. It shouldn't be too difficult."

"…"

"…"

"… What are you _on, _woman? No one on earth, Symphonia, or Derris-Kharlan could call that simple! It'll take us forever! Not to mention having to avoid our other selves!"

SMACK! Mithos received a blow from the far end of Raine's staff. He was just lucky it wasn't the clamps. "That _is_ what 'avoid our dopplegangers' means," she said disapprovingly, whacking him on the head again. "I should think someone four thousand years old would know _that_. And with our knowledge of the cores, we should be able to go forward into the future before they're stolen and merely use the temples, greatly reducing the risk and time constraint. Now, what's so _complicated _about it?" she snarled, whacking him on the head again. "Well?"

Genis shook his head in sympathy. "I _told _you not to talk back to Raine. Don't you remember? I warned you."

"Poor guy," Lloyd said.

Raine turned to them. "And as for _you _two boys – "

There was a flash of light and four people appeared in front of them, Luke getting smacked on the head by Raine. "Ow …" he groaned. "Where is _this?"_

"It sure isn't Kimlasca," Asch snarled. "You treacherous little ponytail-wearing freak!"

"I _told _you, I needed time to aim," Yuan snapped. "It was you who insisted on going through it – "

"_Dad?" _Lloyd asked, disbelieving. "Yuan? Asch? _Luke? _What are you all doing here?"

"…" Kratos coughed self-consciously. "I am afraid that Asch tracked us down on our search and _persuaded _Yuan to open a portal for him and Luke, which he then dragged us in through, which led us here. I assume the charred and dying corpse on the bed is Pronyma?"

Mithos frowned. "Only dying? I can't believe I forgot! I got the information out of her! Come on, Genis, we can practice a few of our new spells … I've always wanted to do this …"

--

Yuri looked at Flynn skeptically. "So … you're saying that they appeared from a portal out of nowhere, were dropped off by even stranger guardians who mentioned something called 'Tales of', referred to you as 'Commandant' by mistake, and left you these prisoners to hold until trial."

"What a load of crap," Rita snapped, crossing her hands over her chest. Everyone looked at her. "What?!?! It is. I mean, the story is totally full of holes. Flynn's just delusional, obviously. He got hit on the head by a group of bandits while fighting him, dreamed this, and took them prisoner. Simple, logical explanation. I can't believe you two are listening to this claptrap, Yuri, Estelle."

"It isn't claptrap," Flynn protested weakly, rubbing his temples and groaning. "They're real, okay? And apparently really powerful. I tell you, they came and disappeared. I even had to sign for the prisoner transfer, even though they practically forced me to."

"I see." It was clear Yuri didn't. He looked at the Heliord cells. "So you're keeping them here? Without weapons? You _did _take their Sorcerer's Rings, right? Those things can be dangerous. I wonder how they got them. They look differently modeled than our one."

"The one you stole," Rita muttered. "Back when you were accusing me of stealing the Lower Quarter's stupid blastia core."

"Right after you refused to assist me in the Shaikos ruins," Flynn murmured. He cleared his throat. "And, yes, I did. I confiscated everything. I put it in the pre-approved storage space, where we keep all articles of prisoners."

Yuri raised an eyebrow. "You mean, the treasure chest right next to the cells, by the guard desk?"

"Well, yes …"

"And you wonder why I quit the knights ... Honestly …"

"What's wrong, Yuri?" Estelle looked at him. "Aren't the things safe there?"

He sighed. "Think about it, Estelle. Assuming they found a way out of their cell, the weapons would be _right there. _Easy for them to get them and fight their way out of the rest of the castle, escaping. Get it now? You really should move them, Flynn."

"But it is protocol among the Imperial Knights and I would be remiss – " Flynn started to say, cut off when someone opened the door and a few people poked their head in, quickly shutting the door with an "Oh crap. Not the kitchens."

Yuri looked at Flynn, unimpressed. "And that was just the castle maintenance crew, who decided to dress up in the stolen armor and weapons of the prisoners … ?"

Flynn shot to his feet. "Dammit! I've got to go after them! I can't let them escape and be free where they could harm His Highness Ioder or the Princess or other innocents!"

Estelle raised a timid hand. "Um, I'm right her, Flynn …"

He feverishly grabbed his sword. "Right. Stay here. Yuri, you protect her. Everyone else, do what you will. I need to alert the knights and muster the castle defenses." He ran out of the room.

Yuri looked at the still-open door. "… Idiot," he muttered. "Come on, everyone. Let's go track down some escapees."

--`

Seles and Princess Hilda were watching very carefully for mountains of fire and angels descending from the sky as they snuck after Sheena and Zelos, remaining absolutely and grimly silent, as if worried speaking would break the world order or at least their peace treaty. Yes, that is why they were on the lookout for catastrophes, more so than usual. For the first time in their lives they had agreed on something.

Of course, it was just because their dislike for each other over the grounds of Zelos was nothing when compared to the mutual enmity they felt for that low-class trash Mizu-hoan whore SHEENA … which was why they were making sure poor Zelos didn't get contaminated.

"Ah! How dare she slap him!" Seles shrieked.

"Quiet," Princess Hilda hissed, taking her arm and dragging her out of sight. "We can't blow our cover. He'll think I'm jealous if we spring out for anything less than a kiss."

"Oh, good, she's storming away from him now," Seles whispered vengefully. "Do you want to follow her or should I?"

"As I recall, the last time you followed her she caught you," Princess Hilda sighed, tapping her nails on the brick wall of the alley beside her. "I'll take the filthy ninja and see what she's planning. You watch your brother. Make sure no one else touches him."

"Of course," Seles snarled.

Sadly, Princess Hilda couldn't get close enough to hear what Sheena said into the strange black device that somehow looked oddly intriguing and infinitely useful, but when she started walking down the street again she kept tailing her. For the next several hours Sheena waited at this dock places as more cars appeared and many, many girls got out, all wearing the oddest, flimsiest, manly-looking apparel and none as pretty as _her._ The little Mizu-ho looked a bit out-of-place among all of them, which was odd, considering they looked pretty much like her dirty, cleavage-showing, pants-wearing kind. Finally one of the many with frizzy brown hair and glasses approached her and said something, which led to Sheena turning to the milling crowd and shouting, "Alright, everyone! It's time to get Zelos! Follow me!" She took off running, the crowd following with a roar. Wait – get Zelos?!?!? What??!?!

No – she _wouldn't _be – why would she help his fangirls? What in Tethe'alla was going _on _here …

Princess Hilda, of course, not having run since the time the maids didn't properly heat her bath water and she had to get her father to fire them all, fell behind quickly, uneasy about how much like a pack of fangirls the group seemed, feet afire with manic energy. She'd seen enough around Zelos at home, or even following that one Renegade leader that looked sort of like a girl, or that one sort of hot-looking red-haired man in the white-and-purple outfit, once …

But why would Sheena be leading them?

"Hey, Sheena, brought more fangirls, I see, like it with partners, do yo – AUGH! NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!?!?! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE?!?! MY LIMBS!!!"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BROTHER?!?!?" Seles screeched. "Stop – HELLLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Princess Hilda stopped uneasily, brushing her hands over her dress. Well, it was obvious Pronyma wasn't here. Seles and Zelos would probably survive. She really should go somewhere else … like the Hot Springs … and looked for her …

Seles' and Zelos' screams lingered at her back even after she vanished and was relaxing. But hey, her face was much prettier than theirs. Princesses did not get mauled by fangirls.

--

**Well, unless you guys would like to take a crack at it … here it is, the last update of my three ToS stories. Now the cycle starts again.**

**Sorry it's so late. But considering no one reviewed the last chapter … **


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